Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's been far too long since I've had a whiney, introspective post...

So I left work early today to go home sick and be in bed and sleep. But since I'm checking a few work emails before I head to bed, I thought I'd comment on many random thoughts in my mind:

--I just listened to a podcast from one of my favorite radio shows in Seattle, about how to live in a city when you make no money. It was very interesting, and while I do make more than the people interviewed... it rang eerily true. Definitely understand the stresses and pressures of trying to stretch a dollar, as I have to make paychecks stretch to pay for car loan/car insurance/student loans/utilities/rent/gas/food/paying back the IRS after my company didn't take state taxes out for a year. It's definitely not easy and adds gray hairs to my head. If I worked and lived in the city, I think I wouldn't be in such a pickle, but right now that's jut not feasible.

--I think I'm doing a good job at keeping busy and focused and not thinking about Justin (it's been well over a month, my how time flies!) but there are lapses. Where I feel very lonely and sad. Again, might be that about 85-90% of my friends are in relationships right now, so I constantly feel surrounded by couples. But I also know I need to be patient, it will come when I'm least expecting it, and that I also need to spend this time focusing on myself. I am very happy being me and like the person I am... but sometimes it's nice to share that.

--I'm glad Leo has a job, because that's been a huge stress.

--I haven't spoken to my dad in almost 2 months, and I know at some point the cold war will need to end... but I can't say I won't miss the lack of that constant stress and anxiety in my life.

--Erin and Brian are great friends, and I am so lucky to have them so close by. I wish I lived closer only so I could spend more time with them.

--So many babies coming up! It's strange to think that I've reached the point in my life where engagements and children aren't bizarre. I'll be making tons of hats in the coming months.

--I sometimes wonder if I'll ever see or run into or speak to Justin again, and what I'd actually do when this comes up. Part of me thinks cry, another part of me thinks try to handle it as best as possible. But the biggest truth in all of this is that this instance will probably never come up, since he lives in Worcester and I have pretty much no reason to go there. And I honestly don't know how I feel about all of that.

--When 2 of these bullets are about Justin, I also realize I'm not fooling anyone, I'm not over him, but that I seriously need to be.

--I'm glad Erin is in conclusion with the rest of the world that Chuck is in the Top 10 of the Worst People We Know, if not the Top 5. No sad emoticon for that statement.

--I'm glad I found a group of great Beverly friends, since it's sometimes hard to always go into the city to hang out with people.

--This is a rut, but I know I'll get out of it, feel better, and be better. But ruts suck on the whole!

And on that note, I've officially crashed and will be sleeping this all off, hopefully.

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