Sunday, October 5, 2008

Last few days...

...have been interesting. Definitely show me who my friends are and how great they are.

After the initial Justin break up conversation, I called Erin a mess and we talked for about an hour. She gave a lot of perspective on the whole thing, which is kind of what I needed since I wasn't thinking clearly.

The next day, I called in sick. I hadn't slept well at all, and I knew I couldn't fake it all day. I needed a day to think and collect my thoughts about this and a million other things.

During the day I tried to answer a few questions: if he wants to come back and try again, should I? Should I just end the battle now, as he's clearly not ready for a relationship? What is it I'm looking for?

At night, Dianne and Danielle invited me over for dinner and cupcakes and wine. All were needed. We watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall which, in retrospect, probably not the best idea on their part for a movie. They gave some good advice, and I finished my thinking over in the car.

That night, I decided that I think we should break up. He's not ready or even selfless enough to be in one. The tipping point for me was me trying to think if he had done any of the little things I did to cheer him up, or if I needed him immediately, would he be there for me? The answer was no and I couldn't say but probably not. I do really care for him and perhaps could have transitioned into loving him, but we just can't be together right now.

Then the next morning came...

...when John, his best friend texted me apologizing that we broke up and that it didn't work out. To which I said "what part of this is thinking about it for a few days??" I was livid. If he wanted to end it right then and there, he should have just done it. Not placate me and stretch it out. And futhermore, he should have also told me this FIRST.

I then spent an hour removing pictures of him from Facebook, changing statuses, and removing the songs he sent me and the pictures I have of him from my computer. I then wrote a note on a small gift (penny candy he grew up liking) I had gotten him on Thursday. I probably will not send it, but it felt good. Then I did probably a low blow, but he deserves it.

I texted him that it was the worst thing ever that he broke up with me via a friend and that I was done and he didn't need to call me back.

Then I cried some more and called Tim Duffy to sort things out.

After that, I decided I needed to get out of my head and go see whales. Which was perfect. They did every activity a whale does and they were right up next to the boat, which is uncommon in October. And good to see Shana and my mom. I'm glad I went.

That night, for another moment of great friends, Brian invited me over to hang out with his friend Gus and drink gin and tonics. Which were tasty, what with Brian being half British, so it's in his DNA. We played a lot of Wii and then when Gus left Brian and I watched Empire Records and talked until after 3am. It was good. Then I drove home.

So yeah, shitty week, but I have good friends to make it better. Justin hasn't tried to contact me, though his friend did to make sure I was okay, and I probably won't hear from him. At least not for awhile. Who knows.

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