Sunday, January 25, 2009

Weekend Warrior

Another very busy weekend, and some rambling at the bottom.

I took the day off from work (this was planned weeks ago) so I could get my car to the dealership for the service appointment and then go visit Jess for a night. Great to see her, especially in light of her grandfather dying suddenly at the beginning of the month. And nice to get to a different part of the state for a bit.

After trekking back to Salem, I had a housewarming for Erin and Jim. Good to see that crowd, especially since Alissa is due to give birth within the next 5-6 weeks or so. Then off to Beverly to spend some time with Crystal. We knit and then went out to Mandrake to have some drinks with Dan and Christian. Very late night, but very fun.

Breakfast with Amanda finally! Great to see her as always. We spent a lot of time catching up. Then I popped into my parents' house in Rockport to say hi. Then back here to do some laundry and relax.

And some general rambling. I found out some things from a friend of Justin's about some things he was going through right about the time he broke up with me out of the blue. I won't divulge what they are here, since this is not the place to. And I have no clue who actually reads this or not. I had a sinking suspicion about what I learned, but I'm not sure how I feel about learning this information. It doesn't change anything: I've moved on as best I can, he's still trying to move on, and we just can't be together at this time.

It does make me wonder if I would have changed anything on my end, had I known then what I know now. I probably would have. But that's also easy to say from where I am now. I also wonder if he would, too. But I'll never know this, since he's still firmly gripping to his "I don't talk to exes" stance. I think this is self preservation on his part.

I also wish I could have helped more than I did. I mean, I loved him dearly and tried to bridge the distance the best I can, but I sometimes wonder what else I should have shouldered. Or was it too much?

I guess that line from The Last Five Years comes true yet again: "all I could do was love you hard, and let you go."

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